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VIDEOTAPED REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT IN CELEBRATION OF NOWRUZ

THE PRESIDENT: Today I want to extend my very best wishes to all who are celebrating Nowruz around the world.

that is very nice of you thanks

This holiday is both an ancient ritual and a moment of renewal, and I hope that you enjoy this special time of year with friends and family.

yeah thanks. i had more hendooneh and norooz shirini than i'd had in years. the marzipan toot was amazing.

In particular, I would like to speak directly to the people and leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran. Nowruz is just one part of your great and celebrated culture. Over many centuries your art, your music, literature and innovation have made the world a better and more beautiful place.

Here in the United States our own communities have been enhanced by the contributions of Iranian Americans. We know that you are a great civilization, and your accomplishments have earned the respect of the United States and the world.

uh oh. sucker alert. "great and celebrated culture," "art," "music," "literature," "innovation," AND "great civilization"? that last remark is enough to make many a persian drool. if he'd included references to cyrus's declaration of human rights and the eternal persian gulf, we'd be having a collective orgasm by now. but wait... let's see what comes after the sweet-talkin'.

For nearly three decades relations between our nations have been strained.

true dat. before that too, only the shah sorta kept a lid on it.

But at this holiday we are reminded of the common humanity that binds us together. Indeed, you will be celebrating your New Year in much the same way that we Americans mark our holidays -- by gathering with friends and family, exchanging gifts and stories, and looking to the future with a renewed sense of hope.

you forget the part about shopping till we drop. really unbridled consumerism alone should be enough to unite our two great civilizations.

Within these celebrations lies the promise of a new day, the promise of opportunity for our children, security for our families, progress for our communities, and peace between nations. Those are shared hopes, those are common dreams.

yes

So in this season of new beginnings I would like to speak clearly to Iran's leaders. We have serious differences that have grown over time. My administration is now committed to diplomacy that addresses the full range of issues before us, and to pursuing constructive ties among the United States, Iran and the international community. This process will not be advanced by threats. We seek instead engagement that is honest and grounded in mutual respect.

hmmm ok. good thing you renewed the sanctions on iran BEFORE norooz. it would've been slightly uncool as a new year's present.

You, too, have a choice. The United States wants the Islamic Republic of Iran to take its rightful place in the community of nations.

i REALLY hope that doesn't mean the community of lapdogs of the u.s., cause i'm a wee bit suspicious of other nations in our neighborhood that have found their rightful place, e.g. jordan, egypt, saudi arabia, the gulfies, etc. their tongues, you know, have gotten habituated to compulsive lap-like motions that are not particularly respectable or rightful.

also, why does this sound to me so much like the teacher, tapping the palm of her hand with her long ruler as she addresses the bratty boys in the detention room: "yes little children, i want you to come back to class, but you'll have to promise to behave yourselves! no gum chewing and no pinching the girls from now on. otherwise, you go home with a blue bum next time!"

You have that right -- but it comes with real responsibilities, and that place cannot be reached through terror or arms, but rather through peaceful actions that demonstrate the true greatness of the Iranian people and civilization. And the measure of that greatness is not the capacity to destroy, it is your demonstrated ability to build and create.

well, not if iran is arming the terrorized, say in gaza and south lebanon, against a huge military goliath you've helped build and sustain for decades. and how about the u.s. start taking peaceful actions in afghanistan and pakistan and iraq? and maybe encouraging the said great and civilized goliath to do the same with the palestinians and lebanese? reducing your nuclear arsenal might be a nice gesture, or maybe lessening the military buildup in the persian gulf, or perhaps going easy on weapons sales to israel and certain gulf arab countries? but, oh, maybe these weapons are really meant for an upcoming art installation at the planned abu dhabi guggenheim? in that case, my bad, iran really should stop arming itself.

So on the occasion of your New Year, I want you, the people and leaders of Iran, to understand the future that we seek. It's a future with renewed exchanges among our people, and greater opportunities for partnership and commerce. It's a future where the old divisions are overcome, where you and all of your neighbors and the wider world can live in greater security and greater peace.

that's wonderful barack, except for the prospects of starbucks and mcdonalds in tehran, which i'm afraid might put star burger and boof and starbux and the other imitations out of business.

I know that this won't be reached easily. There are those who insist that we be defined by our differences. But let us remember the words that were written by the poet Saadi, so many years ago: "The children of Adam are limbs to each other, having been created of one essence."

With the coming of a new season, we're reminded of this precious humanity that we all share. And we can once again call upon this spirit as we seek the promise of a new beginning.

Thank you, and Eid-eh Shoma Mobarak.

beautifully put. and in that spirit, i return to my marzipan toot.